His new family.

Is there anything more heartbreaking than watching the man you love doing all the things for another woman that you needed him to do for you — including raising her kids when he has kids of his own to raise?

Who do we blame for a situation like this? The obvious answer is to blame the man, right, but is it that simple? Every human life plays out differently and this makes it difficult to place blame appropriately, if we should place blame at all.

So let’s say (Mason) loves his wife (Bell) very much but he is not a particularly good parent to his children. He doesn’t make time for them because he’d rather spend his time doing his own thing. He doesn’t show interest in their interests because he’d rather be immersed in his own interests. He also gets inappropriately angry at them, then administers –equally inappropriate– punishments.

Although Bell loves Mason very much, she loves her children more. She has her heart broken daily as she watches Mason dismiss and disrespect the kids. So, after years of trying, she puts an end to the relationship.

The man moves on. He has a few unsuccessful relationships where he is clearly using the women for sex and financial security. As soon as his new girlfriend asks for a ring, he bails out of the relationship and moves on to the next.

Then one day, Mason finds a woman (Phara) who has two kids of her own and he actually settles down. What happened? What is the magic ingredient that changed him? Did he finally get tired of the game, does she satisfy him sexually in a way he can’t live without, are her kids more well behaved or does she simply take care of him without asking for anything in return? Really, what is it?

If she knows that he has two kids of his own that he doesn’t take care of, isn’t she just as bad as he is? The fact that she ignores his poor choices in favor of her own happiness is a poor choice in itself. If she takes care of him and showers him with love even though he is not doing what he should be doing as a Father, she is essentially giving him a “get out of responsibility free” card. She is encouraging a bad man to continue to do bad things for her own benefit.

So is the Phara to blame for condoning Mason’s choices? Is it Mason’s fault for abandoning his kids or is it Bell’s fault for kicking him to the curb in the first place?

I believe it’s Mason’s fault. Maybe he didn’t have a great example of how to be a good parent, but so what, not everyone does. It’s no excuse to bail on the most important responsibility in life. Children need their parents in order to grow into healthy successful adults. Unless you are dead, you have to step up for them. Forget about your needs and wants because your kids should always come first.

I know that Phara cannot help her own heart because I love Mason too. I do know, however, that a Mother CAN decide what she will allow in her life and in the lives of her children. If Phara can rest easy at night knowing that Mason’s kids are without a Father–partly because of the comfort and escape she provides for him– and her own kids have him as an example of what a “good man” looks like, well that’s just sad for her and her kids.

I rest easy (most nights) knowing that I made the right choice. I do love my ex husband and I cherish all that he brought to my life. He was a fantastic husband to me but a terrible Father his children. I will continue to be broken-hearted about how things turned out but I know that those feelings will always have to come second to the well-being of my children.

Let me know what you think?

That’s all for today. Here’s hoping for a better tomorrow.